he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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