a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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