Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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