My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
