I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize