Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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