I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
