bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
