i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
