If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize