went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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