This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
