she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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