Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
