I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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