omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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