franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
