You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
