You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
