We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
