So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize