have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
