Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
