got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
