listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
