it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
