Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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