I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
