This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
