well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
