I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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