she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize