I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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