that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
