my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
