I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
