It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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