2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize