so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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