I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
two words: eviction party
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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