you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
