so that wasnt chicken after all
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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