dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
