Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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