How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
