I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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