So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize