Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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