I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
