"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
