So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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