Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
