I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
