Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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