Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
