you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
