that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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