this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We got so high we made milksteak
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
