You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
