I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it penis luge time yet?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
