her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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