So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
