I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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