Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
