That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
