Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
