a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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