we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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