Just cropdusted the office
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
