he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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