1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
