just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
