How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
