We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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