So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
