..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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