yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
